How to Deal With Gaslighting & Smear Campaigns From Narcissists
If you’ve ever been gaslighted or been the victim of a smear campaign, then this might help.
Gaslighting is a term that gets thrown around, sort of willy-nilly, which is unfortunate because it is an important word. It describes a sort of private hell that exists when someone (especially someone you love) is manipulating you with the intent of making you feel crazy.
It is NOT when someone is simply trying to deceive you, for selfish reasons. We already have a word for that and that word is lying. The term lying serves just fine as a way of describing the vast majority of situations.
Gaslighting on the other hand is a severe type of abuse, where a person is systematically attempting to break down your will and your spirit, to… essentially break you. They want to see you blubbering in your tears, begging them to forgive you, for wrongs that they exact against you. Yeah, we’re talking about that level of fucked up.
It’s evil, squared.
It doesn’t always come from obvious sources, either. Gaslighters are both male and female, young and old and they come in all sizes, shapes, religions and ethnicities. We unfortunately have a culture today which is a fine breeding ground for narcissism.
If someone is going way out of their way to contact people they don’t even know in order to spread rumors about you or whatever the tactics are… first, stay calm. That person cannot keep their facade up for more than about 3-9 months, tops.
The whirlpool in their head of self-loathing and bitter hatred of themselves and everything around them will cause them to act out in terrible ways, soon enough. When they do, all the people who are currently believing their lies will begin to see it for themselves.
Those people may never come back to you and say “Oh, I was wrong for believing them and I’m sorry” but that doesn’t matter. What does matter is that you will have kept your own shit together in the meantime. You keep doing the right thing and wait for the storm to pass. All storms pass.
Something you can do immediately is that you can take accountability for anything that you *did* do wrong. You’re not totally blameless in the situation. Even if the narcissist did two dozen awful things that were just totally unacceptable, you are human and it’s almost certain that you were pushed to the point that you reacted badly to at least one of these behaviors and you did something almost as bad, just trying to defend yourself from all the crazy.
Own Your Shit
While you don’t have to beat yourself up over it, you should take accountability for whatever part was your own. Ask yourself why it happened, what did you learn and how can you handle it better if something like this comes up again in the future?
Most importantly, how can you stop allowing people like this to slip through your radar system, undetected until it’s too late? The answer is simple… vetting. Don’t rush into relationships with anyone. Get to know them over extended periods of time and stop ignoring the red flags.
I have to update this post, because there was a video linked but unfortunately, it’s not available anymore.
Rather than try to find the same video, I am going to give you the link for the channel on YouTube. She goes by the name,
If you or someone you care about is dealing with a narcissist, a borderline, an antisocial personality, a gaslighter or someone engaging in smear campaigns, I strongly urge you to subscribe and slowly work your way through all of her videos.
Also read the book Psychopath Free.
Keep your chin up and get the hell away from people who try to fuck with your mind.